Dance Quotes Dancing Quotes

Dance Quotes

Quotes About Dance

Life isn't choreographed. That's why I fall down a lot.

- Sacha Duncan

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Famous Quotes

Funny Quotes - Insults

He is the same old sausage, fizzing and sputtering in his own grease.
- Henry James

Famous Quotes

Funny Jokes

I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead. "Have you seen this?" I indignantly asked my husband. "What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?"

Famous Quotes

Funny Quotes - Insults

Pushing forty? She's hanging on for dear life.
- Ivy Compton-Burnett

Famous Quotes

Famous Quotes

Hypocrisy is the homage which vice pays to virtue
Famous Quotes - La Rochefoucauld

Quotes World

Funny Jokes

He who knows not and knows he knows not is a wise man. He who knows not and knows not he knows not is a fool.

Famous Quotes

Funny Jokes

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor

Spring Chicken Recipes

Absence Quotes

Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated.

Alphonse de Lamartine, Premieres Meditations Poetiques (1820)

Chicken Recipes

Funny Jokes - Silly Jokes

Two old ladies are in a restaurant. One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible." The other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions." - Woody Allen

Chicken Recipes

Abstinence Quotes

Self-denial is the shining sore on the leprous body of Christianity.

- Oscar Wilde 1856-1900, British Author, Wit

Diabetic Recipes

Funny Quotes - Insults

Instead of being born again, why don't you just grow up?

Diabetic Recipes

Funny Jokes

A laugh is a smile with fireworks

Ah, another good day; my ISP is still working! A laugh is a smile with fireworks! Hookd on fonix reelly workd fer mee! A watchmaker is someone who doesn't charge extra for working over time. American kids have Nintendo; Japanese children have homework Don't be pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. HowCanIBeCreativeWithSuchALimitedAmountOfSpaceToWorkWith? Go to work in your underwear and the dream will go away. Hocus Pocus' doesn't work anymore; I think they changed the password. I support Merit Pay and Piece Work for politicians. I'd whistle while I work, but all I know are happy songs. This eFriendship works out b/c I am Gemini and you are ridiculous. Please weight...Spell Checker at work.

Diabetic Meals

Famous Quotes

Talking is easy with three, when it is hard for two
Famous Quotes - Tagore

Diabetic Recipes

Funny Quotes - Insults

She has discovered the secret of perpetual middle age.
- Oscar Levant

Diabetic Beef Recipes

Funny Quotes - Insults

He must have killed a lot of men to have made so much money.
- Moliere

Diabetic Recipes

Quotes and Quotations

Quotations Quotes

Quotes About Quotations

Chriswell Freeman

- Stronger than an army is a quotation whose time has come.

Diabetic Recipes

Funny Quotes - Insults

I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.
- Stephen Bishop

Diabetic Meals

Funny Quotes - Insults

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
- Groucho Marx

Diabetic Recipes

Famous Quotes

If you can find a path with no obstacles it probably doesn't lead anywhere
- Frank Clark

Diabetic Recipes

Funny Jokes

As part of a cooking demonstration I was attending in a a large auditorium, the host awarded gifts to people in the audience who had traveled the farthest, the couple who had been married the longest, and so on. Holding up one item, he asked, "Is there anyone here who has been married less than a month?" At first the room was silent. Then from the back someone called out, "Which time?"

Diabetic Recipes

Funny Quotes - Insults

He can't help it - he was born with a silver foot in his mouth.
- Ann Richards (about George Bush)

Diabetic Meals

Funny Jokes

How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity In The Workplace

- Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.) - Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.) - Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi." - Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. e.g. "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom." - "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this. - While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive." - Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle. - Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document. - Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes. - Insist that your e-mail address be: "zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com - Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that. - Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement. - Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine. - Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing. - Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN." - Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many." - Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. - For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth. - Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that." - Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. - Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark 17 inch paper, 99 copies. - In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors." - If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. - When driving colleagues around insist on keeping your car wind- shield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep 'em tuned up." - Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." - Practice making fax and modem noises. - Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss. - Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. - Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy." - Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing. - Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. - Shout random numbers while someone is counting. - Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area, and insist to others that you "like it that way." - Staple papers in the middle of the page. - Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise. - TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE. - type only in lowercase. - Dont use any punctuation either - Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." - As much as possible, skip rather than walk. - Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. - When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat. - Ask people what gender they are. - While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. - Sit in your car in the parking lot at lunch time pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. - Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles"

Diabetic Recipes

Life Quotes

Quotes About Life

Somewhere along the line of development we discover what we really are, and then we make our real decision for which we are responsible. Make that decision primarily for yourself because you can never really live anyone else's life, not even your own child's.

- Eleanor Roosevelt

Diabetic Beef Recipes

Funny Jokes

I've got what?

Then there was the old man who just hadn't been feeling well at all, went in and had a thorough exam.

The Doctor comes in and says, with obvious concern in his voice: "Mr. Smith, I'm afraid its not good. I have bad news and really bad news."

Smith looks him in the eye, and with only the faintest quaver, says, "I can take it Doc. What's the worst?"

"I'm afraid you have a malignant brain tumor and its inoperable. I doubt if you have more than 6 months to live."

He slumped down, put his face in his hands and just stared at the floor a minute. Then he looked up and said, "OK, Doc. What's the bad news?"

"You have Alzheimers."

"Thank God!" he said in obvious relief. "I was afraid I had cancer!"

Diabetic Meals

Famous Quotes

Humanitarianism consists in never sacrificing a human being to a purpose
- Albert Scheweitzer

Inspirational Speakers

Funny Quotes - Insults

I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.
- Mark Twain

Quotes Blog

Funny Jokes

Above all, dieters are advised to avoid Pepsi, the pause that refleshes.

Sweets are the destiny that shapes our ends.

Funny Awards

Abraham Lincoln Quotes

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.

- Abraham Lincoln

Famous Quotes

Funny Jokes

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance and to turn around three times before lying down.

-Robert Benchley

Famous Quotes

Funny Jokes

Hiking

A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike. "How'd you get that, son?"

"By hiking."

"Hiking?"

"Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike."

Quotes World

Science Quotes and Scientist Quotes

Science Quotes

Quotes About Science

Science is what we understand well enough to explain to a computer. Art is everything else we do.

- Donald Knuth

Diabetic Beef Recipes

Funny Jokes

Little Johnny at Sunday School

Upon picked him up after Sunday School, Little Johnny's mother asked him about the lessons that day. He replied with the expected recitation of the Bible stories that the teacher had read to the class, but were shocked when Johnny told them that the class had sung a hymn "about a constipated cross-eyed bear". Upset and angered by this, Little Johnny's father confronted the Sunday School teacher, demanding to know, "the meaning of this." "Oh no, Mr. Wilson," replied the teacher, " the hymn was called, 'TheConsecrated Cross is Bare.'"

Diabetic Recipes

Funny Jokes

Riding a bike

Never having learned to ride a bicycle as a child, I finally decided to do it in my late twenties. My boyfriend, William, offered to teach me, and we headed to the park for my first lesson. He held on to the seat as I wobbled down a path. My self-consciousness was just beginning to disappear when I saw a father, teaching his little daughter to ride a bike, approaching. As we passed, I was mortified when William said to the dad, "They grow up so fast, don't they?"

Cabbage Soup

Peace Quotes

Quotes about Peace

Recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal and inalienable rights of all members of the human family is the foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world.

- Universal Declaration of Human Rights, Preamble

Inspirational Speakers

Funny Quotes - Insults

Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat?
- Dr. Gonzo

Quotes

Funny Quotes - Insults

There goes the famous good time that was had by all.
- Bette Davis

Quotes

Achievement Quotes

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.

- Foster C. Mcclellan

Life Quotes

Funny Quotes - Insults

Shakespeare never has six lines together without a fault.
- Samuel Johnson

Famous Quotes

Funny Quotes - Insults

So boring you fall asleep halfway through her name.
- Alan Bennett

Phoenix AZ

Famous Quotes

Inequality is the very basis of creation
- Vivekananda

Famous Sayings

Funny Jokes - Silly Jokes

Last year, I deducted 10, 697 cartons of cigarettes as a business expense. The tax man said, "Dont ever let us catch you without a cigarette in your hand." - Dick Gregory

Cypher Pundit

Funny Quotes - Insults

He looked as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food.
- Raymond Chandler

Famous People

Famous Quotes

Be yourself and speak your mind today, though it contradicts all you have said before
- Elbert Hubbard

Spelling

Funny Jokes - Silly Jokes

Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: "Saul, sell your business." He ignores it. It goes on for days. "Saul, sell your business for $3 million." After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store. The voice says Saul, go to Las Vegas." He asks why. "Saul, take the $3 million to Las Vegas." He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, "Saul , go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand." He hesitates but knows he must. Hes dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. "Saul, take a card." What? The dealer has -- "Take a card!" He tells the dealer to hit him. Saul gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. "Saul, take another card." What? "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!" He asks for another card. Its another ace. He has twenty. "Saul, take another card," the voice commands. I have twenty! Saul shouts. "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!" booms the voice. Hit me, Saul says. He gets another ace. Twenty one. The booming voice goes: "un-fucking-believable!"

Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes

Don't be irreplaceable --- if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted.

Famous Quotes

Funny Jokes

Herpes

Ike comes home and tells Sarah that he wasn't feeling so good so he had been to the doctor.

Sarah says "So, what did he tell you?"

Ike replies, "He says I got something called herpes."

"What's herpes?" asks Sarah.

"I dunno." says Ike. "He says that's what I got."

"I'll go look it up." ---- Sarah goes to dictionary and returns. "You can't have herpes."

"I can't?" says Ike. "Why not?"

Replies Sarah, "You're Jewish, and the dictionary says herpes is a disease of the gentiles."

Life Quotes

Famous Quotes

All work is an act of philosophy
- Ayn Rand

Erma Bombeck Quotes

Funny Quotes - Insults

She looks like she combs her hair with an eggbeater.
- Louella Parsons

Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes

I've tried to convince myself it really isn't quite this bad.

There was a time in history when life was quite a blast. Now I fully understand "Living in the Past."

We used to go to weddings, football games and brunches. Now we go to funeral homes, and after funeral brunches.

We used to have hangovers, from parties that were gay. Now we suffer body aches to while the night away.

We used to go out dining, and couldn't get our fill. Now we ask for doggie bags, come home and eat our pills.

We used to travel to places near and far. Now we get sore butts from riding in the car.

We used to go out shopping for all new clothes to show. Now we never bother, there is no place to go.

We used to go to taverns and drink a little booze. Now we stay at home alone and watch the evening news.

That, my friend is how it is, And so my tale is told. If you haven't guessed it, we are just getting old.

Weblog Awards

Life Quotes

Quotes About Life

Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

- Dale Carnegie

Famous Quotes

Funny Jokes

Two guys in a bar .......................

One says, "Did your hear the news? Our mate is dead!" "My God, what happened to him?" "Well, he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom, he hit the pavement, the the car flipped up and he flew through the sunroof. Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window." "Gosh, what a horrible way to die!" "No, no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So he landed in my upstairs bedroom and he was all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spotted the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and he reached up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He was just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe came crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones." "Damn it, what a way to go, that's terrible!" "No, no, that didn't kill him. He survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off himself and he crawled out onto the landing where he tried to pull himself up on the banister but, under his weight, the banister broke and he went falling down to the first floor. In mid-air, all the broken spindles fell on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him." "Hell, now that is the most unfortunate way to go!" "No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he was on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawled into the kitchen, tried to pull himself up on the cooker, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water. Whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off." "Man, what a way to go!" "No, no, he survived that, he survived that! He was lying on the floor, covered in boiling water and he spotted the phone and tried to pull himself up to call for help, but instead he grabbed the light switch and pulled the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted with a wallop -- 10,000 volts shot through him." "Now that is one awful way to go!" "No, no, he survived that, he..." "Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?" "I shot him!" "You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?" "Damnit man, he was wrecking my house!"

Famous Speeches

Funny Quotes - Insults

Q: How many jerks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Just one. He holds the lightbulb still and lets the world revolve around him.

Quotes

Dance Quotes Dancing Quotes

Dance Quotes

Quotes About Dance

Movement never lies.

- Martha Graham, quoting her father

More Dance Quotes

Oscar Levant Quotes

Funny Jokes

Drinking

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo: To all employees; If you must drink during you lunch hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you're drunk than to think you're stupid.

Networking Groups

Absence Quotes

The longest absence is less perilous to love than the terrible trials of incessant proximity.

- Ouida 1838-1908, British Writer

My Therapist

Funny Quotes - Insults

If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself!

Therapy

Funny Jokes

Wooden Spoons

One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces.

When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, "Don't forget to use wooden spoons."

As I stirred my sauce, I contemplated the physics behind the mystery of the wooden spoon, and decided it must have something to do with heat conduction. I approached Mrs. Jones to test my theory.

"Why wooden spoons?" I asked.

"Because," she replied, "if I have to sit here listening to twenty-three metal spoons banging against metal pots, I'll go nuts."

Best Bloggers

Science Quotes and Scientist Quotes

Science Quotes

Quotes About Science

Science may be described as the art of systematic oversimplification.

- Karl Popper

French Word

Famous Quotes

Absence is to love what wind is to fire : it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great
- Comte DeBussy

MMA Videos

War Quotes

Quotes about War

You can't say civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.

- Will Rogers

French Words

Abraham Lincoln Quotes

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.

- Abraham Lincoln

Diabetic Recipes

Academia Quotes

There is but one step from the Academy to the Fad.

- Samuel Butler 1612-1680, British Poet, Satirist

Diabetic Recipes

Education Quotes

Quotes About Education

Common sense is in spite of, not as the result of education.

- Victor Hugo

Diabetic Recipes

Funny Quotes - Insults

She is a water bug on the surface of life.
- Gloria Steinem

Asian Bloggers

Abraham Lincoln Quotes

If you are resolutely determined to make a lawyer of yourself, the thing is more than half done already.

-- November 5, 1855 - Letter to Isham Reavis

- Abraham Lincoln

Irish Housewife Blog

Funny Quotes - Insults

If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
- Charles Pierce

Best Bloggers

Funny Quotes - Insults

She not only kept her lovely figure, she's added so much to it.
- Bob Fosse

best cinema blogs

Famous Quotes

Man's ego is the fountainhead of man's progress
Famous Quotes - Ayn Rand

Famous Awards

Funny Quotes - Insults

She looked like a huge ball of fur on two well-developed legs.
- Nancy Mitford

best high school blogs

Funny Quotes - Insults

You were born with your legs apart. They'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin.
- Joe Orton

Italian Cooking

Abraham Lincoln Quotes

Plainly, the central idea of secession, is the essence of anarchy.

-- March 4, 1861 - Lincoln's First Inaugural Address

- Abraham Lincoln

Italian Rice

Funny Quotes - Insults

He makes a July's day short as December.
- William Shakespeare

Recipes

Abundance Quotes

A man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth. [Luke 12:15]

- Bible

Italian Cooking

Funny Quotes - Insults

He must have had a magnificent build before his stomach went in for a career of its own.
- Margaret Halsey

Famous Recipes

Funny Quotes - Insults

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

Italian Sauces

Science Quotes and Scientist Quotes

Science Quotes

Quotes About Science

The discovery of natural law is a meeting with God.

- F. Dessauer

Italian Sauces

Funny Jokes

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to you really badly.

She said - Well, you succeeded.

Recipes Search

Funny Quotes - Insults

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain

Famous Recipes

Abraham Lincoln Quotes

I am naturally anti-slavery. If slavery is not wrong, nothing is wrong. I can not remember when I did not so think, and feel. And yet I have never understood that the Presidency conferred upon me an unrestricted right to act officially upon this judgment and feeling.

-- April 4, 1864 - Letter to Albert Hodges

- Abraham Lincoln

Italian Soups

Funny Jokes

Leftovers, anyone?

75-year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself and do you have a good relationship with God?"

George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom *poof* the light goes on, when I'm done *poof* the light goes off."

"Hmmm" was all Dr. Smith said, but he was concerned with George's mental state.

A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Ethel," he said, "George is doing fine. Physically he's great. But, I had to call because of something very strange he said. He told me that God helps him when he gets up during the night to urinate. He said *poof* the light goes on in the bathroom and then when he is through *poof* the light goes off."

Ethel exclaimed, "Oh, my God! He's peeing in the refrigerator again."

Italian Sauces

Funny Quotes - Insults

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde

Famous Recipes

Famous Quotes

A poet can survive anything but a misprint
- Oscar Wilde

Baby Boomers

Funny Quotes - Insults

He's a full-fledged housewife from Kansas with all the prejudices.
- Gore Vidal (about Truman Capote)

Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes

Life

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming -- WOW -- What A Ride!

Jokes

Famous Quotes

Art is the triumph over chaos
- Unknown

Business Advertising

Funny Jokes

Two guys in a bar .......................

One says, "Did your hear the news? Our mate is dead!" "My God, what happened to him?" "Well, he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom, he hit the pavement, the the car flipped up and he flew through the sunroof. Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window." "Gosh, what a horrible way to die!" "No, no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So he landed in my upstairs bedroom and he was all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spotted the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and he reached up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He was just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe came crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones." "Damn it, what a way to go, that's terrible!" "No, no, that didn't kill him. He survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off himself and he crawled out onto the landing where he tried to pull himself up on the banister but, under his weight, the banister broke and he went falling down to the first floor. In mid-air, all the broken spindles fell on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him." "Hell, now that is the most unfortunate way to go!" "No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he was on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawled into the kitchen, tried to pull himself up on the cooker, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water. Whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off." "Man, what a way to go!" "No, no, he survived that, he survived that! He was lying on the floor, covered in boiling water and he spotted the phone and tried to pull himself up to call for help, but instead he grabbed the light switch and pulled the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted with a wallop -- 10,000 volts shot through him." "Now that is one awful way to go!" "No, no, he survived that, he..." "Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?" "I shot him!" "You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?" "Damnit man, he was wrecking my house!"

Jokes

Funny Jokes

Black and White.....

(Under age 40? You won't understand.) You could hardly see for all the snow, Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go. Pull a chair up to the TV set, "Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet." Depending on the channel you tuned, You got Andy and Opie - or Ward and June. It felt so good. It felt so right. Life looked better in black and white.

I Love Lucy, The Real McCoy's, Dennis the Menace, the Cleaver boys, Rawhide, Gunsmoke, Wagon Train, Superman, Jimmy and Lois Lane. Father Knows Best, Patty Duke, Rin Tin Tin and Lassie too, Donna Reed on Thursday night! -- Life looked better in black and white.

I wanna go back to black and white. Everything always turned out right. Simple people, simple lives... Good guys always won the fights. Now nothing is the way it seems, In living color on the TV screen. Too many murders, too many fights, I wanna go back to black and white.

In God they trusted, alone in bed, they slept, A promise made was a promise kept. They never cussed or broke their vows. They'd never make the network now. But if I could, I'd rather be In a TV town in '53. It felt so good. It felt so right. Life looked better in black and white.

I'd trade all the channels on the satellite, If I could just turn back the clock tonight To when everybody knew wrong from right. Life was better in black and white!

Funny Jokes

Life Quotes

Quotes About Life

A world without suffering is a world without life.

- Keith Azzopardi

Creamy Mashed Cauliflower

Funny Quotes - Insults

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.
- Groucho Marx

Jokes

Funny Jokes

Even God enjoys a good laugh. There were 3 good arguments that Jesus could have been Black: 1. He called everyone "brother" 2. He liked Gospel 3. He couldn't get a fair trial. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Fathers business. 2. He lived at home until he was 33. 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus could have been Italian: 1. He talked with his hands. 2. He had wine with every meal. 3. He used olive oil. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus could have been a Californian: 1. He never cut his hair. 2. He walked around barefoot all the time. 3. He started a new religion. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus could have been Irish: 1. He never got married. 2. He was always telling stories. 3. He loved green pastures. But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus could have been a woman: 1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food. 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it. 3. And even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more work to do.

Funny Jokes

War Quotes

Quotes about War

When people speak to you about a preventive war, you tell them to go and fight it. After my experience, I have come to hate war. War settles nothing.

- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Phoenix Arizona

Funny Quotes - Insults

In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.
- Charles, Count Talleyrand

Jokes

Funny Jokes

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor

Jokes

Admiration Quotes

Admiration is the daughter of ignorance.

Benjamin Franklin quotes (American Statesman, Scientist, Philosopher, Printer, Writer and Inventor. 1706-1790)

Sayings

Funny Jokes

Swimming

Lena entered the Sons of Norway Breaststroke Swim meet and came in last. After it was all over, she said to one of the judges, "I don't want to sound like I'm complaining but I think all of the other girls were using their arms!"

Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes

GAMES FOR WHEN YOU ARE OLDER

1. Sag, You're it. 2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy. 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear. 4. Kick the bucket. 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over. 6. Doc, Doc, Goose. 7. Simon says something incoherent. 8. Hide and go pee. 9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta. 10. Musical recliners.

Funny Jokes

Famous Quotes

Genius does what it must, and talent does what it can
Famous Quotes - EBulwer-Lytton

Sayings

Funny Jokes

Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.

-Dave Miliman

Jokes

Funny Jokes

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.

Funny Jokes

War Quotes

Quotes about War

War begins with one man's lack of soul, intellect and reasoning.

- William Cameron

Homonym List

Funny Quotes - Insults

He used statistics the way a drunkard uses lampposts - for support, not illumination.
- Andrew Lang

Homophones Video

Funny Quotes - Insults

He was born stupid, and greatly increased his birthright.
- Samuel Butler

Quotes about Spelling

Funny Quotes - Insults

You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.
- Jim Samuels

Teaching Homonyms

Famous Quotes

Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction
Famous Quotes - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

Spelling Quotes

Funny Jokes - Silly Jokes

I went to a restaurant with a sign that said they served breakfast at any time. So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. - Steven Wright

Homophones Song

Funny Jokes

A Passenger's Reservation

Working at an airline ticket counter, I pulled up a passenger's reservation that showed his name as "Cole, Pheven."

"I'd like to be certain our information is correct," I said to him. "What is your first name?"

"It's Stephen," he replied. "I hope the reservation agent got it right. I told him it's spelled with a ph."

Humor and Jokes

Life Quotes

Quotes About Life

I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.

- Eleanor Roosevelt

Sayings

Funny Jokes - Silly Jokes

I was thrown out of NYU. On my metaphysics final, they caught me cheating. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen

Jokes and Humor

Abraham Lincoln Quotes

Angels

The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battle-field, and patriot grave, to every living heart and hearth-stone, all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.

Abraham Lincoln

Source: March 4, 1861 - Lincoln's First Inaugural Address

- Abraham Lincoln

Quotes

Funny Jokes

Hiking

A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike. "How'd you get that, son?"

"By hiking."

"Hiking?"

"Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike."

Recipes

Funny Jokes

Foiled

OLYMPIA, Wash. -- What kind of friends coat your apartment -- and nearly everything in it with tinfoil while you're away? Here's a hint: One of the only objects that escaped the shiny treatment was a book titled "Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends." Chris Kirk found his downtown Olympia apartment encased in aluminum foil when he returned home Monday night from a trip to Los Angeles. The walls, ceiling, cabinets and everything in between shimmered, after the prank orchestrated by Kirk's longtime friend, Luke Trerice, 26, who was staying in the apartment while Kirk was away. "He's known for large-scale strangeness," Kirk, 33, told The Olympian. "He warned me that he would be able to touch my stuff, but it didn't sound so bad." Trerice, who lives in Las Vegas, and a small group of friends draped the apartment with about 4,000 square feet of aluminum foil, which cost about $100. Not surprisingly, the idea was hatched on New Year's Eve. "It was just a spur of the moment thing," Trerice said. "I really don't even consider it art. I consider it a psychology project. ... He seems to be upbeat, so I consider this a success. " No detail was too small or too time-consuming. The toilet paper was unrolled, wrapped in foil, then rolled back up again. The friends covered Kirk's book and compact disc collections but made sure each CD case could open and shut normally. They even used foil on each coin in Kirk's spare change. And to sweeten the theme, they left silver Hershey's kisses sprinkled throughout the apartment. "The toilet was hard. The molding around the doorways took a very long time," Trerice said. Aside from "Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends," which doesn't include this particular trick, only a portrait of his girlfriend, the bed and a bath mat were left unfoiled. "He took special pains not to move anything," Kirk said. A foil-encased picture hanging outside his apartment was Kirk's first clue that something inside was amiss. "I heard him open the door and gasp and start laughing," said Beth Kelly, who lives in an apartment down the hall. "I love the quarters. It's almost more funny realizing the things that were left unwrapped." Andras Jones, who lives on the same floor, became curious about what was transpiring in Kirk's apartment as he noticed "a parade of strange characters" going in and out. Since Kirk's return the entire building has been buzzing about the transformation, Jones said. "There's a party atmosphere down by the room," Jones said. "Of course, everyone has their favorite part. I think the kitchen is just amazing." Kirk's awestruck neighbors and friends kept him up until late Monday night. He hasn't started unpacking his belongings and isn't sure when he will. " "As I was trying to sleep last night, I realized that, actually, it's creepy," Kirk said. And as for whether Trerice will ever be allowed to stay again at the apartment unsupervised, Kirk said: "I don't know. We'll see." But Trerice hopes Kirk will find a way to get him back. "I'm going to be insulted if he doesn't try," Trerice said. "It's kind of a challenge."

Funny Jokes

Famous Quotes

Character is what you are in the dark
- Dwight L Moody

Famous Quotes

Funny Quotes - Insults

He was humane but not human.
- e e Cummings (about Ezra Pound)

Jokes

Funny Jokes

Tips for the Clueless

If you're bidding on a job for UPS, don't send your bid by FedEx.

If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper", this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.

If you want your refrigerator's ice maker to work, you need to hook it to a water source. Air doesn't make good ice unless it is mixed with water.

No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.

A bad place to store your emergency backup diskette is on the underside of your desk drawer, secured by a large magnet.

It's okay to use the Polaroid Land Camera on a boat.

The French version of Netscape Navigator doesn't translate English language web pages into French.

If you're in the armed services and it's April 1st and you get an e-mail message to call Colonel Sanders for new orders, don't.

If you go to the computer store to buy a mousepad, you don't have to specify whether it's for Windows or for Macintosh.

Jokes

Famous Quotes

Any good practical philosophy must start out with the recognition of our having body
- Lin Yutang

Famous Quotations

Education Quotes

Quotes About Education

If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract - teach him to deduct.

- Fran Lebowitz, Social Studies (1981)

Martini Recipes

Funny Quotes - Insults

He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
- Molly Irvins

Cheese Recipes

Life Quotes

Quotes About Life

Life isn't what you want it to be, it's what you make it become.

- Anthony Ryan

Recipes

Funny Quotes - Insults

You really have to get to know him to dislike him.
- James T. Patterson (about Thomas Dewey)

Cheese Steak Recipes

Famous Quotes

The difference between a conviction and a prejudice is that you can explain a conviction without getting angry
Famous Quotes - Unknown

Hamburger Recipes

Famous Quotes

Happiness is no laughing matter
- Richard Whatley

Chicken Recipes
Hamburger Recipes

Funny Jokes

Steam Roller

Bob was still in the hospital after being run over by a steam roller. His best friend Fred came to visit him.

Bob struggles to tell Fred, "Mrs. Bob visits me three times a day. She's so good to me. Every day, she reads to me at the bedside."

"What does she read?" asks Bob.

"My life insurance policy."

Thanksgiving Recipes
Pancake Recipes

Science Quotes and Scientist Quotes

Science Quotes

Quotes About Science

The science of Psychiatry is now where the science of Medicine was before germs were discovered.

- Malcolm Rogers

Saying of the Day

Funny Jokes

Grounded

John had spent a week visiting with his brother Pete and Pete's family. They had accompanied John to the airport for his flight back home. After verifying his seat number, John rejoined Pete and the kids and explained he'd have to wait an additional two hours.

"Why do you have to wait?"

"My plane's been grounded."

"Grounded?" one of Pete's kids said puzzled. "I didn't know planes had parents."

Famous Sayings

Famous Quotes

To be a woman is something so strange, so confused, so complicated, that no one predicate comes near expressing it and that the multiple predicates that one would like to use are so contradictory that only a woman could put up with it
Famous Quotes and Sayings - Simone de Beauvoir

Cheese Recipes

Funny Jokes

Law and Disorder...

Todd was arrested AGAIN and the detective was leafing through his crime history folder.

"Hmmm, quite a record." he said. "Shoplifting, hit-and-run, disorderly conduct, armed robbery, sexual assault, sexual assault, forgery, sexual assault, manslaughter..."

"Yeah, I know." said Todd. "It took me quite a while to figure out what I was good at."

Famous Love Quotations

Absence Quotes

Sometimes I need what only you can provide -- your absence.

- Ashleigh Brilliant (English Author and Cartoonist, b.1933)

Graduation Sayings

Funny Quotes - Insults

He could never see a belt without hitting below it.
- Margot Asquith

Funny Quotes

Funny Jokes

Church quickie

There was a church that had problems with outsiders parking in its parking lots, so they put up a sign:

CHURCH CAR PARK - FOR MEMBERS ONLY Trespassers will be baptized!

Famous Quotations

War Quotes

In War: Resolution. In Defeat: Defiance. In Victory: Magnanimity. In Peace: Good Will.

- Winston Churchill, History of the Second World War

Graduation Quotations

Funny Quotes - Insults

The cruelest thing that has happened to Lincoln since he was shot by Booth was to fall into the hands of Carl Sandburg.
- Edmund Wilson

Chicken Recipes

Funny Quotes - Insults

Her voice sounded like an eagle being goosed.
- Ralph Novak

Appetizer Recipes

Famous Quotes

A committee is an arrangement enabling one to share the blame with others
- Unknown

Easter Recipes

Funny Jokes

Black and White

The Reverend Jesse Jackson was holding a press conference in the appliance department of a Sears store in Chicago. He was there to protest the fact that all the washing machines were white.

The clerk was upset because Jesse was whining, loud, abrasive, and obnoxious, as is usual for him, and was driving customers away. So the clerk called the store manager, who arrived and asked,

"What's the problem here, Reverend?"

Jesse pointed at the machines and loudly bemoaned the fact that all of them were white.

The manager replied, "Well, Reverend, it's true that all the washing machines are white, but if you'll open the lids, you'll see that all the agitators are black".

Easter Jokes

Famous Quotes

Fear is the foundation of society
Famous Quotes - Unknown

Easter Quotes

Funny Jokes

The Catholic horse

Bubba was from Alabama and was a hard-shell Southern Baptist. He loved to sneak away to the race track. One day he was there betting on the ponies and losing his shirt when he noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse -- a very long shot -- won the race. Bubba was most interested to see what the priest did the next race.

Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the horses for the fifth race lined up, and placed a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Bubba made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse.

Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Bubba collected his winning and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race. The priest showed, blessed a horse, Bubba bet on it, and it won! Bubba was elated!!!

As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in first. Bubba began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew big money and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses.

Bubba bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last. He was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. "Now I've lost my savings, thanks to you!!" he complained when he met the priest on the way out of the racetrack.

The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you Protestants... you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites."

Jokes for Easter

Funny Jokes - Silly Jokes

A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. "Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize shes given you two $100 bills. Now, heres where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?" - Henny Youngman

Easter Recipes

Science Quotes and Scientist Quotes

Science Quotes

Quotes About Science

There must be no barriers for freedom of inquiry. There is no place for dogma in science. The scientist is free, and must be free to ask any question, to doubt any assertion, to seek for any evidence, to correct any errors.

- Robert Oppenheimer

Easter Quotes

Funny Quotes - Insults

He has no more backbone than a chocolate eclair.
- Theodore Roosevelt

Easter Jokes

Abraham Lincoln Quotes

Never stir up litigation. A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.

- Abraham Lincoln

Easter Quotes

Abraham Lincoln Quotes

Angels

The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battle-field, and patriot grave, to every living heart and hearth-stone, all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.

Abraham Lincoln

Source: March 4, 1861 - Lincoln's First Inaugural Address

- Abraham Lincoln

Carnival of the Recipes

Achievement Quotes

It's your aptitude, not just your attitude that determines your ultimate altitude.

- Zig Ziglar American Sales Trainer, Author, Motivational Speaker

Recipes

Funny Quotes - Insults

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
- Abraham Lincoln

Easter Quotes

Funny Quotes - Insults

While he was not dumber than an ox he was not any smarter either.
- James Thurber

Easter Bunny Jokes

Famous Quotes

Youngsters tend to live as if adolescence were a last fling at life, rather than a preparation for it
Famous Quotes and Sayings - Time

Appetizer Recipes

Dance Quotes Dancing Quotes

Dance Quotes

Quotes About Dance

A dance is a measured pace, as a verse is a measured speech.

- Francis Bacon

More Dance Quotes

Easter Recipes

Funny Quotes - Insults

He has every attribute of a dog except loyalty.
- Thomas P. Gore

Recipe Categories

Funny Jokes - Silly Jokes

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. - David Letterman

Easter Quotes

Life Quotes

Quotes About Life

If it turns out to be a joke at the end, I'm going to be so pissed at whoever started it.

- AnaMia Padilla

Creamed Spinach Recipes

Abuse Quotes

I do not waste my time in answering abuse; I thrive under it like a field that benefits from manure.

- Henry Labouchere

Recipes

Peace Quotes

Quotes about Peace

One little person, giving all of her time to peace, makes news. Many people, giving some of their time, can make history.

- Peace Pilgrim Mildred Lisette Norman

Potato Recipes

Abraham Lincoln Quotes

Education

Upon the subject of education, not presuming to dictate any plan or system respecting it, I can only say that I view it as the most important subject which we as a people can be engaged in.

Abraham Lincoln

Source: March 9, 1832 - First Political Announcement

- Abraham Lincoln

ALL Famous Recipes

Funny Jokes

Five stages of drunkenness

Stage 1 - SMART- This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING- This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH- This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF- You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone... especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge them to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and, hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE- This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you...AND...because you're still SMART, you know all the words.

FOOD COLORING CHART

Funny Quotes - Insults

There's apparently a new book out called something like Maledicta devoted to the nasty things people in various cultures say about each other. My favorite, gleaned from a review of it: "A curse on you, and may the curse be that you remain what you are."

FOOD COLORING CHART

Funny Quotes - Insults

The greatest thing since they reinvented unsliced bread.
- William Keegan

Recipes for Easter

Funny Jokes

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.

Creamed Spinach

Funny Quotes - Insults

He is so mean, he won't let his little baby have more than one measle at a time.
- Eugene Field

Easter Sayings

Funny Jokes - Silly Jokes

I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could drive. - Steven Wright

Jokes for Easter

Absence Quotes

Love reckons hours for months, and days for years; every little absence is an age.

- John Dryden

Easter Sayings

Famous Quotes

The more one analyzes people, the more all reasons for analysis disappear Sooner or later one comes to that dreadful thing called human nature
Famous Quotes - Oscar Wilde

Easter Egg Coloring

Funny Quotes - Insults

He was one of the nicest old ladies I ever met.
- William Faulkner

Cooking Recipes

Funny Jokes

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. --Roger Caras

Easter Quotes

Famous Quotes

Talent is power, tact is skill
Famous Quotes - Unknown

Recipes

Famous Quotes

Insanity may be a sane reaction to an insane world
- Ronald D Laing

Recipes for Easter

Funny Jokes

Life's Little Questions.....

Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food?

Shouldn't all married men forget their mistakes? After all there's no sense in two people remembering the same things right?

Is the real reason women live longer then men because they don't have to live with women?

If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you the first time?

Easter Quotes

Funny Jokes

Fallen!

I recall a time when my son was about 18 months old... I had him strapped in a backpack and was rushing to catch the bus. Apparently I misstepped and fell down an entire flight of stairs, (13 to be exact). I was bruised, bleeding and I had torn my jeans... but my main concern was, naturally for my child.

My fears were alleviated though, when from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle followed by, "Again!"

Creamed Spinach

Abraham Lincoln Quotes

I do not expect the Union to be dissolved -- I do not expect the house to fall -- but I do expect it will cease to be divided.

-- June 16, 1858 - House Divided Speech in Springfield, Illinois

- Abraham Lincoln

Easter Sayings

Life Quotes

Quotes About Life

Life consists of two phases: first you have health and no brains, then you have brains and no health.

- Leonid S. Sukhorukov All About Everything

Easter Recipes

Funny Quotes - Insults

He is brilliant - to the top of his boots.
- David Lloyd George

Recipes for Easter

Funny Jokes

How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity In The Workplace

- Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.) - Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.) - Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi." - Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. e.g. "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom." - "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this. - While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive." - Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle. - Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document. - Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes. - Insist that your e-mail address be: "zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com - Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that. - Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement. - Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine. - Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing. - Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN." - Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many." - Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. - For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth. - Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that." - Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. - Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark 17 inch paper, 99 copies. - In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors." - If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. - When driving colleagues around insist on keeping your car wind- shield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep 'em tuned up." - Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." - Practice making fax and modem noises. - Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss. - Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. - Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy." - Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing. - Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. - Shout random numbers while someone is counting. - Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area, and insist to others that you "like it that way." - Staple papers in the middle of the page. - Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise. - TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE. - type only in lowercase. - Dont use any punctuation either - Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." - As much as possible, skip rather than walk. - Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. - When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat. - Ask people what gender they are. - While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. - Sit in your car in the parking lot at lunch time pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. - Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles"

Easter Recipes

Abraham Lincoln Quotes

I have stepped out upon this platform that I may see you and that you may see me, and in the arrangement I have the best of the bargain. The Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln edited by Roy P. Basler, Volume IV, Remarks at Painesville, Ohio (February 16, 1861), p. 218.

- Abraham Lincoln

Easter Jokes

Abuse Quotes

The best security against revolution is in constant correction of abuses and the introduction of needed improvements. It is the neglect of timely repair that makes rebuilding necessary.

- Richard Whately

Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes

Doctor's Orders

On doctor's orders, Marvin had moved to Arizona. Two weeks later, he was dead. His body was shipped back home, where the undertaker prepared it for the services. Marvin's brother came in to make sure everything was taken care of.

"Would you like to see the body?" the undertaker asked.

"I might as well take a look at it before the others get here."

The undertaker led him into the next room and opened the top half of the casket. He stood back and proudly displayed his work.

"He looks good," the brother said. "Those two weeks in Arizona were just the thing for him."

Recipes

Funny Quotes - Insults

She has breasts of granite and a mind like a Gruyere cheese.
- Billy Wilder (about Marilyn Monroe)

Carnival of the Recipes

Life Quotes

Quotes About Life

I can face anything in life, except difficulties.

- Aditya.R

Recipes

Science Quotes and Scientist Quotes

Science Quotes

Quotes About Science

Poll: Majority of Americans Reject Evolution, Accept The Flintstones

- Headline in The Ironic Times, 10/31/2005

Carnival of the Recipes

Funny Jokes

Things Gays Want Heterosexuals To Know:

* We didn't invent disco music so stop blaming us. * We're not sure about Ricky Martin either. * We also didn't invent the color black, but we are in complete agreement that you look better in it. * We are secretly glad Anne Heche is back on your team. She scares us. * Our so-called "gaydar" does not get us more cable stations or better reception. * We think your mini-vans are sooo cute! * David Crosby was not Melissa Etheridge's only choice. * If he's using two or more hair products at any one time, yes, he is. * If she's won Wimbledon sixteen times, she is too. * Relax, we don't want you!

Food Recipes

Funny Quotes - Insults

He never said a foolish thing nor never did a wise one.
- Earl of Rochester

Easter Sayings

Abuse Quotes

If there is justice with no mercy, Ira Flatow will have to come back countless times as a lab rat for all the cruelty he has promoted on NPR.

- Animal Rights

Easter Jokes

Famous Quotes

The highest concept we can have of God is Man
Famous Quotes - Vivekananda

Easter Jokes

Funny Jokes

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

Creamed Spinach

Funny Jokes

How many church members does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least fifteen. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including candescent, fluorescent, three- way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What's a light bulb?

Easter Egg Coloring

War Quotes

Quotes about War

You can't say civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.

- Will Rogers

Easter Recipe

Funny Jokes

Cooking Terms.....

Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.

Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned not only when the food is removed, but when it is put in the oven.

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

Easter Quotes

Funny Quotes - Insults

Nature not content with denying him the ability to think, has endowed him with the ability to write.
- A. E. Housman

FOOD COLORING CHART

Achievement Quotes

The journey is the reward.

- Chinese Proverb Sayings of Chinese Origin

Easter Recipes

Abraham Lincoln Quotes

This is a world of compensations; and he who would be no slave, must consent to have no slave.

-- April 6, 1859 - Letter to Henry Pierce

- Abraham Lincoln

FOOD COLORING CHART

Funny Jokes - Silly Jokes

The guy who shot Robert Kennedy, Sirhan Sirhan, goes up for parole every year. Once he even told the parole board that if Kennedy was alive today, he would speak in his favor and say let him go. What a tough break, you know? The one guy who would have supported him, and he shot him. - Paula Poundstone

Recipes for Easter

Achievement Quotes

Every man who is high up loves to think that he has done it all himself; and the wife smiles, and lets it go at that.

- Sir James M. Barrie 1860-1937, British Playwright

FOOD COLORING CHART

Funny Quotes - Insults

"Go to hell!" or other insult direct is all the answer a snoopy question rates.
- Robert A. Heinlein, Notebooks of Lazarus

Easter Quotes

Famous Quotes

Humanitarianism consists in never sacrificing a human being to a purpose
Famous Quotes - Albert Scheweitzer

Easter Jokes

Funny Jokes

Wackiest Warning Labels Ever

* A CD player carries this unusual warning: "Do not use the Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult."

* An "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter cautions, "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks."

* A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use "while sleeping or unconscious."

* A container of underarm deodorant says, "Caution: Do not spray in eyes."

Easter Recipes

Acting Quotes Actor and Actress Quotes

The art of acting consists in keeping people from coughing.

Ralph Richardson, The Observer

Easter Recipes

Funny Jokes

Swimming

Lena entered the Sons of Norway Breaststroke Swim meet and came in last. After it was all over, she said to one of the judges, "I don't want to sound like I'm complaining but I think all of the other girls were using their arms!"

Easter Recipe

Jokes - Pirate Jokes

Jokes - Pirate Jokes by famous People

Q: Why dont pirates get carpal tunnel syndrome?

A: Because they practice ... Arrrgghonomics.

Pirate Jokes

Easter Recipes

Funny Jokes

Man and Woman

Why did God create Man before Woman?

He didn't want any advice.

Recipes

Dance Quotes Dancing Quotes

Dance Quotes

Quotes About Dance

We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.

- Friedrich Nietzsche

More Dance Quotes

Pasta Recipes

Abraham Lincoln Quotes

In giving freedom to the slave, we assure freedom to the free -- honorable alike in what we give, and what we preserve. We shall nobly save, or meanly lose, the last best, hope of earth.

-- December 1, 1862 - Lincoln's Second Annual Message to Congress Fellow-citizens, we cannot escape history. We of this Congress and this administration, will be remembered in spite of ourselves. No personal significance, or insignificance, can spare one or another of us. The fiery trial through which we pass, will light us down, in honor or dishonor, to the latest generation.

-- December 1, 1862 - Lincoln's Second Annual Message to Congress

- Abraham Lincoln

Recipes

Funny Jokes

The Most Common Lies In The World

It's a good thing you came in today. It's the last one we have. I promise to pay you back on my next paycheck. You made it yourself? I would have never guessed. Your hair looks just fine. It's delicious but I can't eat another bit. Go ahead and tell me, I won't tell another soul. The doctor will call you right back. You don't look a day over 50. Your baby is just beautiful. I gave at the office. Put the map away. I know where we're at. Having a great time. Wish you were here.

Cajun Recipes

Famous Quotes

A clear mind is nothing but the ability to bring thoughts together, to tie already known ideas with less known ideas and to express them in exact and clear words
- Helvetius

Cajun Recipes

Funny Jokes

SIGNS OF WEAR

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long asyou don't have to go along.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee. If you're under 50, this may be amusing. If you're over 50, this is probably reality

Beef Recipes

Famous Quotes

I don't know who my grandfather was I am much more concerned to know what his grandson will be
Famous Quotes - Abraham Lincoln

Beef Recipes

Famous Quotes

Good luck is a lazy man's estimate of a worker's success
Famous Quotes - Unknown

Recipes

Funny Quotes - Insults

He is a fine friend. He stabs you in the front.
- Leonard Louis Levinson

Easter Sayings

Funny Quotes - Insults

The greatest thing since they reinvented unsliced bread.
- William Keegan

Carnival of the Recipes

Absence Quotes

Separated lovers cheat absence by a thousand fancies which have their own reality. They are prevented from seeing one another and they cannot write; nevertheless they find countless mysterious ways of corresponding, by sending each other the song of birds, the scent of flowers, the laughter of children, the light of the sun, the sighing of the wind, and the gleam of the stars --all the beauties of creation.

- Victor Hugo 1802-1885, French Poet, Dramatist, Novelist

Recipes

Funny Jokes

Things Gays Want Heterosexuals To Know:

* We didn't invent disco music so stop blaming us. * We're not sure about Ricky Martin either. * We also didn't invent the color black, but we are in complete agreement that you look better in it. * We are secretly glad Anne Heche is back on your team. She scares us. * Our so-called "gaydar" does not get us more cable stations or better reception. * We think your mini-vans are sooo cute! * David Crosby was not Melissa Etheridge's only choice. * If he's using two or more hair products at any one time, yes, he is. * If she's won Wimbledon sixteen times, she is too. * Relax, we don't want you!

Beef Recipes

Funny Jokes

Top Ten Reasons for Being an Alto:

10. You get really good at singing E flat 9. You get to sing the same note for 12 consecutive measures 8. You don't really need to warm up to sing 12 consecutive measures of E flat 7. If the choir really sucks, it's unlikely the altos will be blamed 6. You have lots of time to chat during soprano solos 5. You get to pretend that you are better than the sopranos, because everybody knows that women who sing soprano just do so because they can't read music 4. You can sometimes find part-time work singing tenor 3. Altos get all the good intervals 2. When the sopranos are holding some outrageously high note at the end of a piece, the altos ALWAYS get the last word 1. When altos miss a note, nobody gets hurt

Bread Recipes

Famous Quotes

We often pardon those who bore us, but we cannot pardon those whom we bore
Famous Quotes and Sayings - La Rochefoucauld

Appetizer Recipes

Absence Quotes

Absence, that common cure of love.

- Miguel de Cervantes

Bread Recipes