Funny Quotes - Insults

He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes.
- Fred Allen



September Horoscope

Funny Quotes - Insults

He was born stupid, and greatly increased his birthright.
- Samuel Butler



September Horoscopes

Funny Jokes

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

Funny Jokes

I thought about making a fitness movie for old folks my age and call it "Pumping Rust."

Funny Quotes - Insults

She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers.
- Alexander Woollcott



Fourth of July Quotes

Funny Jokes

Be careful . . . a pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the a_ _.

Famous Quotes

Funny Jokes

Drinking

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo: To all employees; If you must drink during you lunch hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you're drunk than to think you're stupid.



Elevator Speech